Thomas the Fuhrtur is an animated hotdog. A full account of his genesis is given here. Though, of course, this video is riddled with purposeful inaccuracies. If this account is to be believed, Thomas' life was less than 10 minutes long, and didn't extend beyond the speaker's hallucination. This is patently false, as our records here indicate. Also, we know Thomas to have never had an affair lasting longer than 16 days, and the hot dog in this video claims to have a wife and seven kids at home. While our Thomas has certainly stretched the truth, he'd never The actual woman who underwent the events described has been identified as Madame Nueroses, who is The Manifestation Of Eris Esoteric That Went On A Long Walk One Balmy Friday Night In The Buff, who also corresponds to the time travelling spirit of Alice Liddell on the night of her infamous fever dream.

But that's beside the point. Thomas is nice enough, but when you get right down to it he's a processed meat product and consistently fails to rise above his circumstances. Though we may be tempted to praise him for surviving in a world of people that, unlike him, were born into networks of family, friendship and society, we ought to bear in mind his ever-lengthening list of failures.